A Birth Story Project: Sarah (2)

Sarah's back with another submission to A Birth Story Project -- the story of her first son's birth. Read the story of her second son's birth here:

With this project, I provide a public space for birth stories that want to be shared. Please contact me if you'd like to submit your own (anonymous or not, as you prefer). The spectrum of birth experiences is wide, and I'm hoping to be able to post an equally broad variety of stories.

Stories and photos are shared with permission. Stories may be reformatted and edited for clarity, but they are not censored. This is meant to be a safe space, so please read with compassion. Comments may be moderated.

Sarah's First Birth

Greyson was 9 days pass his due date and the ultrasound scan was estimating almost 10lbs, give or take a lb. Kyle [my husband] was 13lb at birth so they were slightly concerned. I was freaking out! I wanted him OUT stat. We talked over the options. I wasn't dilated, effaced, nothing... I cried and cried. It was so depressing at the time. Even in Kyle's largest t-shirt, my belly was hanging out.

This was a Wednesday. The plan was to perform a C-section the next Monday, if he didn't arrive on his own. I was really upset, as I was planning on a natural childbirth.

When I found out I was pregnant Kyle had decided to not shave his beard until Greyson was born. We left the doctors office, got Shake Shack, and Kyle said I could do the honors of shaving his beard. Well, halfway into shaving Kyle beard, the contractions kicked in! I didn't say anything because I had had false labor a few time earlier in the week. We made enchiladas for dinner and I baked a cake (I was already huge at this point; I didn't care).
 

I had contractions all night and the next morning threw up some, etc. The contractions became super close together, but my water hadn't broken, so we stayed home longer.

Things got real, and we called our neighbor to drive to us to the hospital. We checked in around 10am on Thursday. Thank GOD I was 4cm dilated, as I was "nothing" less than 24hrs earlier. We walked around for about 2hr doing squats, etc. I slept for 2hrs, then woke up to "NO PROGRESS."

My doctor wanted to break my water, but I said no waited and another 4 hrs. NO PROGRESS, but the contractions continued. Took a shower, walked more... I was seriously so tired at this point and it felt like I had been in labor for days.

At almost 6pm, the doctor insisted on breaking my water -- and that point, I didn't care. I was over it. Around 8-10pm, no progress. The doctor became worried that (because of his size) he was stuck. They wanted to do a C-section, but I said I wanted to try longer. The doctor said it was fine, but advised me of the possibly of the baby's shoulder getting stuck.

2am: no progress, so I got an epidural in preparation for the C-section, and -- BAM -- within a few hours, right as I was watching the ROYAL WEDDING, I was going through transition and was ready to push! I was screaming I WANT TO PUSH!!!! My doctor thought I was crazy and was shocked that after all that I was ready to go.

It took me a while to get a hang of pushing. I felt the urge to push, but I just couldn't figure it out, I guess. I had an epidural but I was still moving all over the bed. I don't know if it was working or not. After about 2hrs Kyle said, "Holy shit I see his head and he has a ton of hair!!!" I also remember the doctor saying, "You're doing it, you're doing it!"  I pushed him out with the next push: 8lbs 15oz 22in and COVERED in Meconium. He was screaming, with arms straight out. Kyle reached out and touched his hand. I was so glad he was out and didn't get stuck. I kept saying, "I can't believe I did it." 

I did end up having a tear with 4-5 stitches and a fractured tailbone, but I was so happy with how things turned out.

A Birth Story Project: Beth

I have the honor of posting another submission to A Birth Story Project. With this project, I provide a public space for birth stories that want to be shared. Please contact me if you'd like to submit your own (anonymous or not, as you prefer). The spectrum of birth experiences is wide, and I'm hoping to be able to post an equally broad variety of stories.

Stories and photos are shared with permission. Stories may be reformatted and edited for clarity, but they are not censored. This is meant to be a safe space, so please read with compassion. Comments may be moderated. 


Beth's Third Birth

It was 4:00 am. A familiar sensation brought me out of sleep, though I was not quite awake.  “Great,” I thought. “I started my period.” Suddenly, I was wide awake. “Wait a minute. I’m 28 weeks pregnant. I couldn’t have started my period!” I quickly got up and headed toward the bathroom. It had definitely been something, but I couldn’t figure it out. There was hardly anything there and it had no color, nothing distinguishing. Puzzled, I crawled back into bed. I started to wake my husband, then stopped. He had to get up at 6:00 to get ready for work and I hated to disturb him if I wasn’t sure. I lay there, thinking. When I heard the rustling of my husband getting dressed, I told him what had happened.

He assured me it was probably nothing. “You probably just wet yourself a little,” he said.

“What if it’s amniotic fluid? Remember what happened to your mother?” I said.

“Oh, it can’t be amniotic fluid. It’s way too early for that. Let’s just keep an eye on it,” was his reply.

I agreed and got up to get dressed myself. As I got ready, I wondered if I should call the Birth Center where I had been going for my prenatal appointments. If I called, they may have me come in to be checked, which would be an hour and a half drive. My husband would have to take the day off and I would have to pull my oldest child from preschool -- to potentially be told it was nothing. I put on a liner so that if it happened again, perhaps I would be able to see it better, and vowed to keep an eye on it.

I started our morning routine of dressing the boys, fixing their breakfast, brushing teeth and getting on coats and shoes. I dropped my 3 year old off at preschool and my 2 year old and I came home to decide how to spend our morning. He decided he wanted to make biscuits, one of our favorite things to do together. I got out the flour, baking powder, sugar, salt, butter and milk. We had fun making our biscuits. All seemed to be right with the universe.

In fact, everything seemed to be going well lately. After my last pregnancy, I was a little scared to get pregnant again. My son had been transverse, and despite doing an external version, he never stayed head down. To add to it, I had gestational diabetes and a lot of extra amniotic fluid, which compounded the problem of trying to get him to stay head down once he was turned. I ended up with a C-section, something I had desperately been trying to avoid.

My current pregnancy had started out with a lot of ups and downs. The doctor originally thought the baby was ectopic, and wanted me to take Methotrexate to end the pregnancy. They could not see anything on ultrasound and thought they should be seeing at least something in the uterus at that point. We refused the Methotrexate. We felt we just couldn’t take it when there was no proof the baby was outside the uterus. We wanted to wait to do another ultrasound, as I was still pretty early along. That was a hard week of waiting. I went in for periodic hormone level checks and they did not feel that my numbers were going up fast enough. Another sign, they said, that the pregnancy was ectopic. The doctor gave me a card to carry with me in case I had to go to the emergency room. I was counseled to head there immediately with any pain. I was told the risks to me if I were to have a tube rupture. Amazingly, the next ultrasound showed a little something right where it should be! The ultrasound tech was speechless. We were relieved and elated.

At the next ultrasound, though, the Dr said the sac was not growing as fast as the baby. We were plunged back into a waiting game. Finally, after the first trimester, I switched to the Birth Center in Topeka. We knew the sac was small, but there didn’t seem to be anything that could be done about it. We knew this pregnancy was in God’s hands and there was nothing else we could do but wait and pray. The main reason for the switch, though, was for a better chance at a VBAC [Vaginal Birth After Cesarean]. The hospital in Manhattan [KS] had said I could try for a VBAC, but if I came in when they were busy with a lot of other mothers in labor, I would be sent straight to the OR.

My appointments in Topeka went well. I had another ultrasound at 20 weeks where were found out we were expecting a little girl this time! When I asked about the sac size, I was told there was enough room around the baby. There was a little concern about the placenta being low, but I was told this usually corrects itself. At my last prenatal appointment I found out that I didn’t have gestational diabetes this time around. I was so excited to be able to eat what I wanted. Yes, everything seemed right with the universe. I was starting to be convinced that this time around was going to go so much more smoothly than last time. I do admit to having a few nagging doubts about the VBAC. I knew the chances of something going wrong were low, but if they did, could we live with our decision?

I continued on with my day. I picked up my 3 year old from preschool and the afternoon was full of the business of watching two rambunctious little boys and keeping the house running smoothly. My husband got home from work, excited for a weekend off. We talked briefly about what we would do, as his weekends off are few and far between. I ran to the grocery store to pick up some things to make dinner, and even had to run back home for my wallet which I left on the counter. I was tired from a long day and felt a little scattered.

It was while I was putting away the dishes from dinner that I felt the first big gush. I ran to the bathroom. This time there was a pink tinge. I yelled out to my husband. “Something’s wrong!” I said. When I called the midwife, she told me that my water had probably broken. “Is there anything else it could be?” I asked. At that point, anything sounded better than my water breaking. “No,” she said. She told me to head to Stormont Vail Hospital in Topeka. Thoughts were swirling around in my head. I was trying to figure out the logistics of this with 2 little boys whose bedtime was only an hour away. She asked me what time this started. I told her about what had happened early that morning. “I’m not sure if it was the same thing or not,” I said. “If this started at 4:00 in the morning, you need to get to the hospital right now,” she said.

My husband said he was not driving to Topeka. He would drive me to the hospital in Manhattan, which was about half the distance. I remember being really hurt that he didn’t want to drive me to Topeka. What I didn’t understand at the time was that he was afraid I would go into labor in the car and he thought it would be better if an ambulance took me from Manhattan to Topeka.

Later, a nurse told me that this was really the wisest decision.

The next 20 minutes are still kind of a blur. We tried to decide who to call to help with the boys. We knew it should probably be family, since we would not likely be coming back that night. His family was closest, but we could not get a hold of his parents. I called his brother and sister-in-law next. They have five of their own, but she thought nothing of putting the baby in the car and heading to Manhattan to meet us while her husband watched the other four. We threw some things into a bag for the boys, and in the meantime, I had to change to a heavy pad twice. My husband asked if he should just call an ambulance, but we were pretty much ready to go at that point. We piled into the car and headed toward Manhattan.

The ride was a quiet one. I thought to look for the rosary we usually left in the car, but I couldn’t find it. “One of the boys took it out," my husband told me. I quietly prayed without it, looking out the window. I don’t think it had sunk in how big this really could be. I was just worried about going into labor at that point. Every twinge I felt grabbed my attention. It seemed to take so long to get to Manhattan. The boys were exceptionally good for the ride. When we were close to Manhattan, my oldest said, “Mommy, when you get done at the hospital, let’s get something to eat and go home.” At that point, I had to fight back the tears. I knew I wouldn’t be going home that night.

We finally arrived at the hospital and parked. When I got out of the car, I realized that I had leaked through my jeans. We hurried inside and up to labor and delivery, where they were already waiting for us. The Birth Center in Topeka had called them. It turned out that I was not dilated, thankfully, but a swab test showed that I was leaking amniotic fluid. I was definitely ruptured. I heard the nurse telling my husband that I was ruptured and would have to be taken by ambulance to Stormont in Topeka. I felt like I was in a dream. They then wheeled in a sonogram machine to check on the baby and gave me a steroid shot in the hip. I tried not to think about what that meant. I knew they were trying to mature the baby’s lungs in case she was born early.

By that time, my sister in law had arrived and was helping distract the boys with snacks. I was glad to have someone else there. The doctor came in to do the sonogram and I was told that I had just “bought myself a ticket out of there.” It was agreed that Jeremy would take the boys home and I would go by ambulance by myself and call my Mother to meet me in Topeka. I happened to ask my sister-in-law if she had a rosary. She lent me hers to take with me. It was comforting to hold it during the ride to Stormont Vail and really came in handy that week.

Two men came in to load me onto the ambulance. One of them ended up knowing my husband’s family and we were able to make small talk about that. I don’t even remember which way we ended up leaving the hospital. I just remember being put into the ambulance and driving off. I was so scared that I laid there stiff as a board for most of the ride. I continued praying silently and tried not to think of the boys.

When we arrived in Topeka, I was put in a temporary room to be checked in. The nurse was very smiley and perky, which grated on my nerves a bit. I was terrified. I just wanted the Dr to come in and tell me when they would be delivering. I assumed it would be later that night. The nurse asked a lot of questions and kept saying, “You know we don’t do VBAC’s here, right?” I told her I did. Finally, the Dr came in and told me that I had Preterm Premature Rupture of Membranes. They would be doing a few tests, but he said that usually no cause was found. It was just something that happened sometimes.

I was told that I would be on bed rest in the hospital -- hopefully until 34 weeks. I felt like the world was crumbling down around me. 34 weeks? That was a full 6 weeks away. What would we do about the boys? I wanted to bawl, but I couldn’t. I was moved to a room in labor and delivery and was told that my first 24 hours would be spent on complete bed rest (not even any trips to the bathroom). I would also not be allowed to eat that first 24 hours until they were sure things had stabilized. By the time I was finally settled in my room, it was around 11pm. I was exhausted and terrified. I kept thinking about the boys at home. I should have been there to tuck them in that night. I had never been apart from them both and I felt like someone had just ripped my heart out. I was worried about this baby who would be premature and I felt sorry for myself too. Our whole plan was out the window. I wasn’t proud of these feelings, but I acknowledged them. I didn’t get much sleep that night. When I did fall asleep, it would be for very short periods of time. When I woke, I cried.

By the next morning, the tears were flowing freely. I couldn’t talk without crying for awhile. I was told that I would have a sonogram that morning, but would not see the perinatologist until Monday, as he was out of the office. I had heard of him before and knew that he was good. The sonogram showed that the baby was sideways but growing fine. Amazingly, the amniotic level was at 14; still normal! I did not have any leaking that day and was encouraged, but the leaking returned that night, with cramping. I was told that I would probably leak the whole time. I had to wear these things around my calves that pumped air and lowered my risk of developing blood clots. I was started on large doses of antibiotics through an IV to lower the risk of infection setting in since I was ruptured. I had my second and final steroid shot that night. Somehow, I was given the strength that day to accept that this was our reality. I knew we would get through this, and I was determined to be as positive as possible.

The next day was Cinco de Mayo. It was also the day of the super moon that year, which unfortunately I could not see through my window. I was disappointed that we would be missing the Cinco de Mayo celebration at church that night. I had been looking forward to taking the boys, as I knew they would enjoy it. However, my husband brought the kids to visit. It was so good to see them! My 2 year old climbed right up in bed with me to snuggle, like always. My 3 year old seemed a little taken aback and quiet. They played throughout the afternoon and had supper with me. They were so excited that they could see the Lifestar helicopter from my window. I was able to get out of bed to go to the bathroom and take a very brief shower that day. I had a new appreciation for the small things in life!

I had almost no leaking that day or night. That evening, while I was praying and trying to keep the fear away, I had a vision that I was walking with Jesus and he took my right hand. It was the most comforting, peaceful feeling. I wished that I could hold onto that forever! Sunday was very uneventful. There was no leaking or cramping.

Monday was roller coaster ride. The nurse came in and told me that I would have a sonogram with the perinatologist that morning, who was back in the office. However, she said that my Doctor was so encouraged by my lack of symptoms that they thought I had sealed over and I would probably be allowed to go home. They just needed the perinatologist’s approval. I couldn’t believe it! I was so excited and thankful. However, when I arrived in the perinatologist’s office downstairs, the nurse asked why I was in a wheelchair and not in a hospital bed. I thought once they did the sonogram, they would see that I was sealed over, but that was not the case. The doctor said that that baby was now head down, which was probably creating a cork-like effect, keeping me from leaking. The nurse told me that there were still pockets of fluid outside the amniotic sac and that I would probably have at least one more big gush. The amniotic fluid level was still on the low end of normal, though, and all her growth was still normal! They estimated that she weighed about 2 pounds, 12 oz, more or less. I decided to be encouraged by that, even though I was disappointed that I would not be going home. I still felt very lucky.

Tuesday morning was a scary one. I had a big gush of blood in the early morning hours. I just remember lots of nurses in the room, calling the Doctor. I passed a very large clot. They put me back on complete bed rest with no eating or drinking all day, just in case. They did a quick sonogram to be sure that the placenta didn’t appear to be separating, and they checked to see if I was dilated (I was dilated to a 1). They kept the baby monitor on for a good 12 hours (normally they put the monitor on twice a day to make sure she wasn’t in distress). It was very soothing to hear her heartbeat while I rested.

On Wednesday things had calmed down again a bit. I was able to eat and drink again but the bleeding continued, so I remained on bed rest. They said they would continue just monitoring things. I looked forward to seeing my husband and the boys on Thursday or Friday.

Thursday was pretty much the same. They continued monitoring the baby twice a day. I remained on complete bed rest. That night after supper, I began feeling a little anxious. My heart seemed to be beating fast. The nurse noticed my heart rate and when I told her how I was feeling, she said it was very normal to feel that way when you’ve been cooped up for so long.

On May 11, 2012, at around 8:00am, the Doctor came and told me that my lab results that morning showed that infection was setting in, and because they didn’t know where all the bleeding was coming from, they would be delivering by C-section in about 3 hours. I called my husband who left work and began the long drive to Topeka. They started me on Magnesium Sulfate. They usually try to give it 12 hours before delivery, but since they had to deliver quickly, they gave a large dose, then went down to a smaller dose for the remainder of the 3 hours. Unfortunately, I got the large dose in, but then felt like my chest and throat were on fire, so they stopped it. I began having contractions that morning as well.

My husband arrived about 5 minutes before surgery, just in time to put on his scrubs. I was glad he was able to make it and could hold my hand throughout the C-section. The operating room looked so different from the last C-section I had. There was a lot of equipment for the baby and a team from the NICU. They assured me that most of the equipment was there “just in case.” During the surgery, I could hear them counting, but I’m not sure what the counting was for. The hypnobirthing that I had been practicing for my big VBAC actually helped keep me relax during the procedure. I was very calm this time around.

Jeremy and I were both surprised when Lucy started crying after she was delivered! They wheeled her around for me to see before she was taken to the NICU. She was so tiny! They told me that she was a good size for 29 weeks, though. She weighed 2 pounds, 13 ounces. Our precious little girl was born one day before Mother’s Day. She stayed in the NICU for 6 weeks but did amazingly well. She never had to be on oxygen, but did stay on a CPAP for her breathing pressures for quite a while. She passed a lot of blood that she had swallowed. They eventually determined that the bleeding was due to placental abruption. I kept a journal of her stay in the NICU.

We are so grateful to have our little girl here with us. She is now a healthy and happy one year old and we can’t imagine life without her. That week in the hospital was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to go through, but it taught me more and caused me to grow in ways I never imagined. It’s been so therapeutic to write down my experience. For months I felt like I was stuck in May of 2012. I felt (and still do feel) things more acutely than I ever have.

I am so thankful that the angels were surrounding us that week and for all the prayers and support. We are also thankful for all the skilled doctors and nurses and all the medical advancements that have been made.

What do postpartum parents want? Part 3

I've compiled another "Postpartum Wishlist" for your perusal, listing requests and thanks for support shared by parents who've given birth or who are preparing to. As usual, I find these candid answers to be incredibly illuminating.

See parts one and two for more responses.

Q. What kind of support did you need or want from a postnatal doula or other postnatal helper, if you had one? What kind of support would you hope for if you were to hire one in the future?

Cook me breakfast!

I didn't have a postpartum doula, but I would have paid anything just to take a daily shower that lasted more than two minutes, and to do some light cooking and light housework while I breastfed baby. Having a newborn baby at home is the worst time to be drowning in dust and unswept floors.

Just sit and listen and talk. What a new mother needs more then anything is someone to listen to her, especially to help her process her birth, and someone to give her positive feedback.

I wanted time for a shower and to get other things done, so my doula held the baby while I did that.

I needed emotional support and just the company of another person. 

My postpartum doula was awesome. The most useful things she did were to talk to me, be there for me, help me feel what I am doing and thinking and feeling is 'normal' and on the right track, and to model some good, practical techniques (like swaddling) for me. She also cooked a huge vat of lentil soup that kept us going for days. She rocks!

After I had my baby, I loved helpers cooking for me, watching my older kids so I could nurse/sleep in peace, and cleaning my kitchen.


I'd love a doula to help with placenta encapsulation or recipes for eating it.

I had a doula. It was great to be able to talk with someone who understands what I was going through, helping me round the house and picking my older kids up from school once a week. I also got great lactation advice from her.

Talk and debrief about my birth experience, be a shoulder to cry on, assist with breastfeeding, wash the dishes, wash clothes, vacuum, cook, tell visitors to leave or come later if I'm resting, organize appointments, tidy up, entertain older children for a short time... 
 I would have liked some actual help around the house -- dishes, laundry, cooking, holding baby so i can poop, etc. I wanted someone I could express my overwhelming feelings to, someone who would console me or tell me it would get better or do something concrete to help the immediate situation.  

I only had a labor doula. I was lucky enough to stay with family. My MIL and my mom provided all the meals and my hubby was really great. He went back to work after 1 week, though, so that was hard. I do wish I had had someone warn me what it was going to be like after having the baby. I was in shock. I guess I should have used my common sense, but it never occurred to me that I was going feel like I had been run over by an eighteen wheeler. I wish I had had someone who had good natural remedies for the pain and swelling. My husband did a great job making my baths for me, helping me get dressed, bringing me ice packs or anything I needed, watching the baby so I could nap or bathe. He even helped with getting the baby to latch! Had he not been there, and also for the days after he went back to work it would have been great to have a postnatal doula to help with those things. I can imagine needing help with the older kids too, if there are any. 

I desperately needed someone to tell me I was doing fine and to stop panicking... And to distract me while I was breastfeeding.

Preparing food and clean up afterwards is most important to me... Is 6 months TOO postpartum to hire one?? LOL. 

We had our babies at home, and the doula came the next day and raised the bar for my husband, who does not cook, as to what a meal for a woman who has had and is nourishing a baby should look like...no, not cereal and rice milk AGAIN. She brought and prepared in my kitchen grilled salmon, wild rice with toasted almonds, sautéed spinach. She then massaged my back and shoulders so I could relax, cleaned the whole kitchen, took out the trash, folded the laundry and quietly left us to truly rest. Very professional financial arrangements. She was an ANGEL! The world needs more like her! 

Bonus: A postpartum doula speaks!  What does she think her clients need and want?

In my work as a postpartum doula, I offer light housework and cooking as part of the package. I like to help parents grocery shop for lots of fresh veggies, then cook a big pot of some all-in-one dish like veggie-spaghetti and freeze it for them in portion-sized containers, so they have several weeks of go-to food that's healthy, organic, homemade, and has the nutrients that a birth parent especially needs, like added iron and fiber and things like that.

I figure my job is also to make sure that parents and baby are healthy and bonding. The house needs to be clean (but not spotless). There needs to be plenty of clean laundry and good food available, and basic supplies. I usually teach various swaddling tricks, help my client get a good latch, etc. I have connections with so many people who can troubleshoot feeding or other issues that I can get an answer fast for any problem.

Most importantly of all, I constantly reassure the new parents that they are doing all right. New parents may worry about everything, from the size of the diaper to the state of the cord stump. Those little details are usually really flexible, but it takes awhile for parents to learn how to trust their instincts, and I just keep helping them see that they're doing great -- asking them what their guts are telling them, and reinforcing their own instincts (which are usually right on).

When I leave, I want parents to be totally empowered. They're all caught up with chores, they have plenty of good meals available, and they have eased into life with the new baby. They feel confident in their abilities to make decisions, and they have learned to trust that little voice that says, "This is what my baby and I need right now."

I will be asking more postpartum doulas to share their favorite ways to help families. Look for that in a future post.

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Postnatal families deserve support! Discussions like this make me excited about offering my services to another family soon. The shape of a particular client's need informs and shapes my work, so I am always learning and growing as a caregiver.  What would help look like to you?

(Quotes above have been edited for clarity and to preserve anonymity) 

A Birth Story Project: Sarah

Welcome to the inaugural post of A Birth Story Project. With it, I'm providing a public space for birth stories that want to be shared. Please contact me if you'd like to submit your own (anonymous or not, as you prefer). The spectrum of birth experiences is wide, and I'm hoping to be able to post an equally broad variety of stories.

This story is shared with permission. It was reformatted and edited for clarity, but no part of the story that was submitted has been removed. This is meant to be a safe space, so please read with compassion. Comments may be moderated.

Sarah's Second Birth

It was a regular Friday morning, my due date. I had donuts for breakfast with Grey. We went to the playground. I napped when G. napped. We went to the grocery store in the afternoon, and I felt fine.

Walking home around 4pm, I started getting Braxton-Hicks contractions. At 5pm, Kyle got home and I sent him to the playground with Grey so I could lie down.

I didn't want to get out of the shower at 6pm because the contractions were so painful.

By 7, I was calling my OB, bawling, because I was in so much pain and didn't want to get in a taxi.

Friends arrived to pick us up at 7:30. Somehow we got to the hospital by 8, even with tons of traffic.

When I got out of the car, a hospital worker saw me pause during a contraction and came running out with a wheel chair. "That baby is about to drop!" He ran us through the lobby and up a service elevator to L & D. I only remember gripping the wheel chair and looking down at the floor. The hospital was FREEZING and felt amazing.

L&D was hopping. My doctor checked me in triage and I was 4cm, so I could be admitted right away. I asked for an epidural immediately. My contractions were so close together I could hardly keep my breathing going. I kept saying "I just need a break to rest a minute" and another would come and then another.

I started screaming (bloody murder) and moving all over the bed, so she checked me again. This was maybe 10-15min later and I was 8cm. All the labor rooms were full so Kyle walks back over to me in scrubs and says "We are heading into the OR," and I freaked out. "Why do I have to get an operation?" And "Where are my DRUGS?!" I was seriously begging, but they were so backed up no one ever came.

I was in the OR for 5 minutes, tops, and I was at 10cm, but still at station -3 and my water hadn't broken. My doctor said "We can wait for him to move down or I can break your water." Wait for him to move down ?!?!? I wanted him out -- stat -- or I wanted the pain to go away... not to wait for him to move down!

She broke my water and just a little trickle came down. With the next contraction, his head came all the way down and the biggest gush of water came. I started screaming and laughing at the same time because it was just so surreal and painful. I could feel everything, and it was happening so fast I couldn't even catch my breath. It hurt so bad I really thought I was going to die for a second. I refused to push because I just couldn't.

Kyle helped me focus again and got me to breathe, drink some water and stop screaming. I felt for the first time, "OK. I can do this. I'm going to do this!" So I start pushing and OMG it's so hard, and it hurt to the point that I can't stop screaming. I move slightly to my left side and that really helped for some reason.

Suddenly an alarm starts going off. Heartbeat of baby completely drops, stops, and people start running in the room. Doctor says to take a huge, deep breath to get oxygen to him, and I did, and it picked back up again. She says, "We have to get him out now." A nurse basically puts her entire body weight on my stomach and pushes down. I'm pushing myself, my calf is clamped on Kyle's forearm for resistance, foot against his chest and the doctor is reaching in and like corkscrewing him out, and he comes out in that moment.

He doesn't cry at first and I'm very nervous. They whisk him over to a table next to me and he starts crying (thank God). The ped shouts out "10lbs 8oz." Kyle and I look at each other and I just say, "you are lying." Honestly, I'm still in shock. They bring him over and I see for myself that he is a man-baby !!!

They take me back to triage to hang out till our room is ready, and I finally ask what time it is. He was born at 10pm on the dot on his due date, only 2 hours after arriving at the hospital. Greyson's labor was 36 hours, so I was definitely in a state of shock. I did tear this time, but not even close to as bad as last time, and my tailbone was bruised but not broken (yay)! I had been for a growth scan 4 days prior and they guessed he was 8lbs 4oz. I'm so glad they were off because it would have definitely affected my labor and I would have most likely just opted for a section.

I still have no idea how I got him out. Maybe it was my crazy side position? Not sure but I'm definitely never doing it again :)

It was a very shocking but wonderful experience. I am so happy at the way it turned out.

Thanks for letting me share my story with you.

The Family-Centered Cesarean.

I am excited by a shift I am seeing (but very rarely, so far, in this country) in the way cesarean births may be supported. I am speaking of something often called the "family-centered cesarean" or "natural cesarean." Cesarean rates are high in many parts of the world (beginning to climb above 1 in 3 births here in the USA), and the family-centered cesarean is a response to problematic practices (dehumanization, non-individualized care, the all-too-routine separation of parent and child that makes for less-than optimal bonding and lactation, among other factors). It is still major abdominal surgery, of course, but with more thoughtful, evidence-based, and human-centered procedures woven into its medical protocols. These might include allowing a doula or midwife in the room with the surgical team, not strapping one or both the laboring parent's arms down, facilitating immediate skin-to-skin contact between birth parent and baby in the first minutes (and so-called "golden hour") after the birth, etc. 

The goal is not to make elective cesarean births more "desirable" than vaginal birth. It seems clear that work must be done to decrease the rate of unnecessary cesareans. The climbing cesarean rate is not making gestational parents and children healthier, ACOG just released a statement that cautions against many of the "traditional" non-emergency reasons for cesarean surgery, and the WHO suggests the rate should be well under 20% -- more like 10-15%. As this is a life-saving surgery, absolutely necessary in some situations, it will continue to be done, so it behooves us to improve the experience and its outcomes (both direct and related) if we can do so in ways that not only "do no harm," but may actually help families and babies. 

In one of my recent childbirth education training classes, there was a discussion about whether a particular video on this revolution in cesarean birth should be shown to local pregnant "consumers." (i. e. those taking a childbirth class we teach, or other prenatal clients).  

I've embedded the video here. It is not graphic, to my mind, but some of the surgery is shown. I understand if you would prefer not to watch for any reason. I also hope that anyone reading this who has had or supported a loved one in a previous cesarean birth will know I understand that, like any birth experience, feelings around it are very personal. I validate and value your thoughts and emotions, whatever they are. We do the best we can with the information and support we have. My thoughts continue below. 

Does this vision of a "kinder" surgery and explicitly compassionate caregivers set US (or other) pregnant people up for disappointment if/when their cesarean births are (likely) not done with this much care and respect? Or might it spur more people to reproductive rights activism -- on the world's behalf and/or on an individual level -- at the very least encouraging conversation with care providers (including surgeons and anesthesiologists) about how an all-too-often impersonal and medical cesarean experience can become more "family-centered" without compromising safety? Even if a caregiver says it can not, this may lead to an important discussion with that caregiver of why he/she disagrees.

I don't know if I would use this video in a class, but my gut says we should show this video to pregnant people -- and those who may become pregnant or who care about pregnant people (i. e. Just about everyone) -- because I think people should know it COULD be a different experience. I think it empowers "consumers" to know this kind of "customer service" (for it is a business, after all, at one level) is not fantasy. 

I was surprised by how many of my fellow teachers-in-training said they would absolutely not show this video to clients. I was surprised even though I know they made that decision out of compassionate consideration for people giving birth and the tender borders between hope/expectation/reality/disappointment. I can understand intellectually and emotionally that some (not all) pregnant people who watch this video and hope for a "natural cesarean" experience, if a cesarean becomes necessary -- but who go on to have an unwanted "traditional" medicalized cesarean birth experience -- could feel more traumatized by the birth because they know "there's another way." Once a person watches this video, that person is aware that there are practical choices (both a family's and a surgical team's) that can be made, and which are realistic and possible, but which a laboring person may still be denied. I can also imagine a pregnant person who feels empowered in a pregnancy after watching this video -- empowered to use this information to seek out a receptive caregiver, or even just to spread the word that these practices are possible, while choosing a support team and preparing for the birth experience.

I would love to know your thoughts. 

Disclaimer: of course, this video is a window (and a "produced" one, though not "faked") into an experience, not a complete picture. The risks that come with any c-section are real, and not discussed in this video. The nature of a surgery that may be done in a very immediate, emergency situation is that it will look different from birth to birth. As just one example, sometimes general anesthesia is necessary in an emergency cesarean, as opposed to an epidural/spinal, which would change the experience quite a bit. I still think the scenario of a family-centered cesarean -- whenever possible -- is one that is worth fighting for, especially when so many cesarean births in this country are planned and scheduled in advance. And even if we can't change it for every person who is pregnant now (though I am hearing encouraging stories of "natural" cesareans in the United States, as I seek them out), even if it takes a generation or two or three, it's still a worthy goal.

UPDATE! This story is an example of why I feel like pregnant people and partners SHOULD see this video. What an amazing birth -- and she advocated for herself! I'm so glad I came across her story.

A Birth Story Project

Recently, I've found myself in several conversations about birth stories, and the importance of giving them space to be shared. There is a power in telling stories -- in sharing them, speaking them, hearing them, reading them. Some stories are private, and I deeply respect that, but I'd love to collect and share those birth stories that want to be shared.

So, let me know if you'd be interested in sharing your story/stories. I am absolutely open to the idea of including birth stories of adoptions, surrogacy, known donor births, stories of loss, and other "nontraditional" birth stories (that word "nontraditional" is really insufficient, and I'm fumbling for a better one). Stories can be shared anonymously, or under your name -- as you prefer.
I'm also intrigued by the idea of recording audio of parents telling the birth stories of their children.  If you're in the NYC area, we can set up a time to record together (you'd get a copy of the mp3 file for free, of course). The birth does not have to be recent, and you don't have to have anything written down, or you can come with a story "script" or notes.

I don't know where this project will go. There have been suggestions there should be a new book of birth stories, or that I should write a play that somehow incorporates many people's stories/experiences. I'll certainly keep anyone submitting apprised of developments.

Please feel free to leave comments on this post. Did you/do you read birth stories while waiting for your baby? Did you/do you read them outside of pregnancy, birth, and adoption? Did you share your birth story with anyone? What has your experience been with these stories?

What do postpartum parents want? Part 2

When I started training for my postpartum doula certification, I began asking parents to share with me what sort of support, if any, they received after giving birth and what kinds of postnatal care they would most value.  I've gotten an overwhelming (in an exciting way) response from people I know personally, people I've met through new parents' groups, and online parents. Some have hired doulas for past births and some have not.

I am enjoying these parents' comments so much that I thought I'd share some of them with you in a few installments.  Here's your second sampling of what they said (Part 1 can be found here):

I want someone to tell visitors to leave! Or at least drop the gentle hint that while Mama may not want to sleep, she may not want to entertain any guests either!

All I wanted was someone else to clean my house, or at least put the dishes in the damn sink! And if I had had troubles with breastfeeding, to help with that. Someone to help me manage postpartum pain would've been nice. Advice about the cord would've been handy, too. I was too scared to touch it and freaked when it bled a little when it fell off. If It hadn't been for The Leaky B@@b i would've freaked about growth spurts and cluster feeding, too. A postpartum doula can warn new moms about stuff like that.

My husband went back to work really soon with our first and it worries me for when we have our second. i would LOVE to have someone to help with anything. I tore a lot with my first, as well, and would have loved help with that -- tips on healing, help with baths, etc. It sounds so nice!

I didn't have a postpartum doula, but I would have liked one to help with light housework and meals after my husband went back to work, to troubleshoot breastfeeding issues like latch problems, and to generally have someone to talk to who understood what my body was going through. Some warning about post-partum "fun" would have been nice too -- sweating, hormones, hair loss, etc. If they are trained in lactation counseling, then some general support and the ability to call them with questions would also be great.

I wanted lactation help and someone to meet my needs for a couple hours. Help me get comfortable with a glass of water, change my bed sheets, talk about the emotional issues I might be facing with postpartum depression, give me a massage, bring dinner for me and my family, offer encouragement and positive support, talk about how my relationship with my husband can be strengthened postpartum (because let's face it, it is NOT a very passionate or glorious time)! It's hell! I was taking care of 2 reflux newborns, it's work, and I needed someone to help me get through it.

Feed me!

I'd love someone to do light cooking and cleaning, with a knowledge of breastfeeding techniques.

Help me with the LAUNDRY!

The most helpful was when my doula would ask me what needed to be done -- and then do it -- as well as when she was being proactive and just seeing what needed to be done (housework, taking my kids outside to play, making sure we had food & water, etc.).

Our laundry was in the basement. I could have used some help in that department, especially doing cloth diapers. I had a c-section and couldn't get into bed, much less carry a load of clothes down the stairs, without help.

This is my second pregnancy. Things that would be awesome for me (in the postpartum period) would be time to have a shower/nap, help with a meal or two (or getting food prepped and put into the slow cooker, etc.), and a little bit of washing dishes/laundry. Also, I'd like breastfeeding support and good chats over tea. Little things make a huge difference.

Meal preparation would have been amazing, someone to hold and snuggle my baby while I showered, and another grown-up around to talk to and work through what just happened to me. A little help with the laundry would have been lovely, too. Essentially, I wanted an extra set of hands and a warm body to snuggle on my newborn so I could get something done.

Breastfeeding help, of course. A friend who will support and talk with me.

My postpartum doula started work when I came home from the hospital after having ECT for my postpartum depression/OCD. She was such a blessing. She helped me bond with the baby and also checked on not only my well being, but also my husband's.

Someone to talk to would have been nice, especially with my third. It also would have been nice to have someone help pick up and do dishes.

I didn't have a postpartum doula with number two, but I had my mom, who helped me with getting food to eat, getting baths ready for me, holding the baby while I napped, rubbing my back through bad afterpains, doing dishes, and looking after my older baby.

My doula helped by setting up a meal calendar and then meeting people with food and bringing it out to me (I live 20 miles out of town). She did laundry and dishes. Immediate postpartum help from my labor doula was also great. She wiped blood off of me, put new socks on me, helped me to the bathroom, even brought me tea and snacks shortly after the birth. Mine was my "placenta doula" and also fed me a bite of placenta, made a placenta print, and encapsulated it for me after the birth. I love postpartum helpers! I honestly think they are more important than birth helpers!!

I am going to repeat myself (from Part 1) here, because I'm still so inspired and moved by these entries. Clearly, every parent is an individual, but there are also recurring needs.  I'm getting some great ideas for how to help new parents after a birth, and I feel fired up about assisting birth parents and new families. 

If you're thinking about hiring a postpartum doula, I hope this list starts to describe what one might do to support you -- as well as why it's helpful for you to be clear with your doula (or friends and family) about what you may need.

I'll continue to post responses to the question of what postpartum parents want in future posts, and please feel free to add your own in the comments.

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(Quotes above have been edited for clarity and to preserve anonymity)